Parenting is challenging. Parenting is interesting. Parenting is tiring. So, why did I decide to become a parent and how am I managing as a single parent?
I decided to become a parent for my first two children because it is something that is expected in the culture of my birth. In this culture and at the time that I became a parent, when you get married give or take a few months, you notice people’s eyes straying to the middle part of your anatomy. If it appears that there is no visible ‘shoot-out’ then you might start getting questions such as, ‘when will you become a mother?’ or ‘when will you make me a grandmother?’ or ‘do you have a child among the kids playing on the streets?’. As such, I can say it was an automatic progression for me to get pregnant not too long after I got married, especially with my advancing age. That is not to say, I regret the birth of any of my children. Noteworthily, the other two, who happen to be twins, did not require the same intentional purpose. I thought I had finished with child-bearing but the higher power thought otherwise. So, that is how I became a mother of four.
With regards to single-parenting, again, this was not planned but came to be and as a ‘strong’ woman, I got on with what needed to be done. However, that does not mean it has been any less challenging or tiring. As a single parent, I have come to understand that you do what you can and hope for the best,which I think works best for any parent. Stressing unnecessarily about some issues does not help anyone e.g. trying to keep the house spic-span when you have four toddlers in the home. It is just not possible. As someone once said, just go with the flow.
Single parenthood can somehow become a state of constant questioning. I question myself constantly, reflecting on decisions made and wondering if I could have done it better. However, I also try not to limit my ability to take risks or take necessary decisions just because of the questions churning through my brain. My faith as a Christian goes a long way to reassure me. Again, it can sometimes be a case of jump into the stream and hope you will remain standing.
In conclusion, as a parent, do what needs to be done, hope for the best, and believe strongly that you have done the best. Having my children was my choice. I gave up things and went without for my kids. I regret nothing. My life was, is, and will always be, ALL for my kids No matter how old they are. They didn’t ruin my life, they gave me a whole new view of the meaning of life. I couldnt love them anymore than I do.
By Toyin Adenugba