I am a keen observer of relationships and marriage. I was a widower at 50 years, who remarried and went through a messy marriage that led to divorce, so the dynamics interest me. Its clear to me though, from experience and observation that dating and marriage is no longer what it used to be.
The number of failed marriages and stories one hears is no longer alarming, but a pointer that men and women are rewriting the rules, and no longer about appearances, but something totally different.
Men are thinking differently. Beauty and sex no longer buys their commitment in a world requiring survival, vision, intelligence, and resilience. They want women who can inspire, who read, who grow, who heal, and who bring peace into the home, who can engage in contributing to family wealth and comfort. They want partnership, not drama; direction, not distraction. To them, sex without substance is cheap, and marriage is now about shared dreams and maturity, not just curves and charm.
Women, however, tell another story. They talk about staying in toxic relationships not because they are blind, but because leaving is more than walking out, it’s grieving the death of a future once believed in, detaching from manipulation, and rebuilding courage. She may still cook and smile, but inside she is already preparing her exit. And when she leaves, it is final. She doesn’t just leave the man, she leaves the version of herself that tolerated less than she thinks she deserves. They feel they deserve better. And, feel they shouldn’t settle for less.
It’s a cultural tug-of-war. Men accuse women of lacking growth; women accuse men of underestimating the weight of endurance. Both are right, in part. But what is clear is that the redefinition of love is now beyond bodies, beyond wealth, beyond appearances.
The dating and marriage game has changed. Nigerian men are no longer easily deceived by beauty without brains. Nigerian women are no longer trapped in endless cycles of suffering. Both sides are hungry for more. Both need partnership, growth, and the courage to evolve.
That, more than anything, is the future of relationships in our society. How this eventually evolves is an interesting watch. But presently its in turmoil. The results are evident. People are getting married at older ages. Seperation and divorce is rife. There are a lot more single mothers, baby mama and single fathers with kids out there. Family dynamics have changed, and evolving into something new, but yet still indescribable.
REMI OGUNPITAN
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