SWIPE LEFT

The Changing Dynamics of Modern Relationships

 

We’re still talking about relationships, and trust me—this one is sparking conversations!

 

What Started This Conversation?

 

So, a few weeks ago, someone sent me a message. It was a conversation between two friends, and because of its context, I decided to share it with a few single people I know.

 

Now, I was expecting a casual, lighthearted discussion. But oh my—the responses I got? Let’s just say they were not what I expected.

 

It all started with a conversation about church marriages—how the younger generation doesn’t necessarily see them as important anymore. But as I kept reading and asking questions, I became more and more concerned.

 

As a single person, I wanted to understand: What’s really going on with relationships today? What’s happening between men and women?

 

Seems there are now two  types of Women, hun?

 

From the responses I received, I noticed a trend. It seems like there are two main groups of women when it comes to dating:

 

The “Soft Life” Women 

• These are the women who say they want a soft life.• But here’s my question—what exactly does that mean? Because from what I’m hearing, it sounds like: “I don’t want to work. I don’t want to do anything. I’m not even qualified to do much, so I need a man to take care of me.”

 

• And that honestly baffles me. After all the fights for women’s independence, for the right to stand on our own, for real empowerment—how did we get here?

• Some young women today want to live a luxurious life that they haven’t worked for. They expect men to fund them completely—hair, nails, makeup, the whole lifestyle. And I just keep wondering: Why?

 

The Fiercely Independent Women

• On the other extreme, there are women who say, “I don’t need a man for anything.”

• These women have decided that rather than deal with what’s out there, they’d rather be on their own.

 

So I have to ask—where is the middle ground? Because relationships are about partnership, about compromise, about building together.

 

…. then there is , The Rise of the “Soft Life” Men?

 

Now, here’s the part that truly shocked me.

 

It turns out that some men also want a soft life!

• These aren’t professional gigolos, but they expect women to take care of them.

• Some men even ask to borrow money from the women they’re dating!

• And here’s the kicker—some men now expect women to pick up the bill when they go out. Under the guise of gender equality (I’m rolling my eyes here)

 

I had to stop and ask myself—is this real? But these aren’t just random stories. These are real conversations I’ve had with young women who are completely shocked by this shift.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I grew up in a time when things were very different.

 

The Way We Were Raised vs. Today’s Reality

 

Let’s take a step back.

• When I was growing up, a man paid for dates. If you asked a girl out, no matter how many times, you picked up the tab. That was just how it was

• Yes, we carried vex money (emergency money), but we never expected to foot the bill.

• And here’s the important part—we didn’t see it as a soft life. That’s just the way things were.

 

But now? Some women expect men to fund their entire existence (I feel so embarrassed on their behalf) , while some men expect women to financially support them (for them I feel shame).

 

And all I can say is… I don’t recognize this new dating world.

 

What People Are Saying

 

When I asked people about modern dating, here’s what they had to say:

 

Young lady in her 30s.

“Yoh, Aunty Temi, this is just how dating is these days. I was born in the last quarter of the previous century, and dating has drastically changed. I cringe at this new way of dating. Guys are no longer stepping up or even trying to impress. It feels like both people are doing each other a favor. They don’t even ask you out anymore! Just because we’re chatting, they assume that’s enough to show interest. There’s no official ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’—they just expect that chatting means you’re now seeing each other.”

 

These are adults behaving like children. I will be in so much trouble if everyone that I was chatting to assume that we were dating. I will be in so much trouble. I think we, women my age who suddenly find themselves single, will find ourselves in a mind field, how do we know what’s happening. Are we dating? Are we not dating? Are we friends? Is there more to this than that? 

 

A male friend of mine said, you know, you can’t compliment a woman anymore. You can’t say nice things because you don’t know whether it’s a sexual harassment thing, whether you just, you know, you just actually pay a compliment. And I think that also talks about the over-sensitivity or lack of, I don’t know. Is a lack of sensitivity? Is it oversensitivity? I’m just not woke!!

 

I like to be complimented and I think I can tell if if a man is interested in me and I would like to think if I was interested in someone, the way I behave, what I am saying is not ambiguous. You know whether I’m interested or I’m not interested in what you’re saying or in what I’m saying to you. 

 

Another young lady:

“Dating these days has become so complex—it’s transactional. Men have given up their role as providers because of the whole 50/50 ideology. Now, both men and women feel like they are the ‘prize,’ and it has made everything messy.”

 

This young man, also in his 30s almost broke me.

 

Have you heard of the swipe concept? It’s derived from the dating app, with dating apps if you like the person you swipe right, if you don’t like the person you swipe left.  (I am clueless here, having not been on a dating app) .

So if you are in a relationship and it’s not serving you, getting out of the relationship is as easy as swiping right or left.  It’s also from the mindset of if it’s not working i’ll replace it.  Now those of us from the 90s are the last era of if it’s not working, you fix it. If toys are not working we fix it, so we had that mind set and it boiled down to relationships, we fix it if it’s not working out, but nowadays, if it’s not working replace it, it’s more of a replacement culture, so yeah, these are the things that’s happening now.

 

He went on to say

“It’s crazy out there in the dating pool. Have you heard of the concept of ‘Whoever cares less controls the relationship’? If I care less and the other person loves me more, I have the power because I have nothing to lose, while the other person has everything to lose.”

 

When I read that last one, I had to pause. Is this what dating has become? A game of who cares less?

 

Final Thoughts

 

At this point, I have so many questions.

• How did we get here?

• Where is the balance between men and women in relationships today?

• Has dating truly become transactional?

• And most importantly—is there still hope for real, meaningful connections?

 

Maybe I can answer my own last questions because people are still getting married. So I’m believing that those marriages are based on real meaningful connections anyway. 

 

I’d love to hear from you. What do you think about these changes? Have you experienced this yourself? Let me know your thoughts!

 

Until next time, take care, stay blessed, and keep the conversation going.