Okafor’s Law is a crude slang that means I can always sleep with a girl that I’ve had sex with, anytime, anywhere that I want.
It’s a term coined by men. It’s got to be by men, you know.
How many women do you know who’s going to say something like that? I can always have sex with a man that I’ve had sex with. It doesn’t work like that, or we don’t think like that.
Anyway, this is something that I grew up with, got to know in my early twenties as a young lady,
and it’s something that men in the area where I grew up, in the city where I grew up, which is Lagos, they believe this, that once you’ve slept with a girl, you have access, or they assume that you have access to her anytime, anywhere you want.
And this came up in a conversation recently. Don’t ask me how we got to this point anyway it came up in conversation, and I said, isn’t this like a booty call? If I understand what a booty call is, where apparently you need to make a call.
Okay, so I’m showing my age in this now. So you make a call to say what? I’m really not clear about that. I want to come have sex with you or come over, we want to have sex. Because apparently, booty call is not just from the men’s side.
I always thought it was a thing that men did, but It’s not just from the men’s side, it’s also from, or it can be from a girl’s side.
I’m an independent woman. At least I like to think of myself as an independent woman, but I’m also old fashioned.
I like the chase of “you want to date me, you want to go out with me, I know you desire me, and let’s see where it’s going to lead, if it’s going to lead anywhere”.
But there is a lot of red tape that has been caught out because that apparently is now red tape.
A lot of red tape have been caught off dating and it’s now hooking up, which apparently doesn’t mean dating, it just means we’re going to have sex.
I am old. I am old, I’ve got to admit that. But I have a problem, how did we get here?
I actually was saying, how did we get here? And I realized, this is not new.
Yeah, the booty call is just a new phrase that’s been coined, but if Okafor’s law was around when I was young, and it had been around even before I got to my 20s, we’ve been here for a while.
And it got me to thinking, how did we accept this? Because what was the woman’s thing before the independence thing came in.
How did we as women accept the fact that any guy who you’ve been with can waltz in at any time and say, come, let’s go to bed. Well, not say it, but you know, that’s what it is.
And it happens. What happened to our self esteem? How did we get so low?
Or how did we get, yes, how did we come to feel so low about ourself that it’s okay for whoever it is man to show up and, you know, and go and come as they like.
And we are on the receiving end. The thing with this kind of thing is, you think your emotions are totally out and you can deal with it. and it doesn’t mean anything. And it’s casual sex. And especially these days, everyone apparently, and I say everyone in quotes in huge, huge quotes, everyone apparently is having casual sex.
But no, not everyone is having casual sex. So many people are also having regrets, regrets.Next day regret. I was going to say regret buying, but it’s not regret buying. It’s next day regret because it’s something that takes a bit out of you every single time you do it.
I mean casual sex, after a while, you begin to look at yourself, asking what on earth am I doing to myself? Is this all I am worth? Is this all that I am?
And you might say, oh, well, it takes away and this I hear a lot from men. It takes away from having to woo a girl. There’s no hang ups, everybody knows where we stand. But women are not like that, sooner or later. You want more than that sooner or later.
You realize that he’s got to have a relationship going somewhere and you are just a side chick. And nobody wants to be the side chick. I think nobody wants to be the side chick.
But I also am getting to I’m contradicting myself it seems, wasn’t it? But I’m getting I’m getting women were saying, oh, I get all the fun without the without having to do the emotional stuff.
When did we make become you on emotional? Hello? Somebody please send me a mail. When did we make become on emotional?
This is not happening. This is not the truth. We’re not facing the reality of our situation. And if you think, well, I’m just going to have the sex and I’ll deal with that tomorrow.
The tomorrow comes quicker than you think. And life is just too, it’s just too sweet, it’s just too short to let yourself be used as a, you know, a deposit for some for some guy.
And it is just so much that I don’t understand why we are letting this happen to ourself.
And let me give you an example of how women get emotional. Okay, this is a crazy woman. And I don’t really know whether she got emotional in the right sense of the emotions that are in the emotions that I’m thinking or that I’m talking about.
So this woman Taija Russells, a few years ago, burnt down the house of a guy who called her for a booty call. The guy made a call and maybe was just too tired. He fell asleep.
Which come on guys, sometimes you’re too tired, you can go on with whatever needs to be done. And you sleep anyway, it calls her falls asleep. She gets to his house. She can get in. So I’m thinking that’s what happened. She couldn’t get in. She apparently called him like eight times.
But the guy was asleep. Didn’t get the calls. Didn’t see all the messages. She goes to a shop buys matches and all the stuff and bonds his house. She wants down the house. This is a documented case. It’s not. You can check it out. Taija Russell’s in New Jersey. She burns out the house of this guy because he wouldn’t have sex with her. Basically, that’s it. You call me. I’m here. You’re sleeping.
That’s an emotional girl somewhere there. She was waiting at that time. There’s some emotions running there. Where are we going? What? It’s not, it’s just not casual. Come on people, we have to stop all this. All the things that we think …are so
I’m not even sure. What do you think they are? Things like baby mama, baby dad, and booty call. What are we doing? We got to, we got to take a stand somewhere. We women, we got to take a stand somewhere.
When someone says, and this is a whole other topic entirely, he’s my baby daddy. What the heck are you talking about? Yes, you have a baby by him. Why are you giving him this title? And they have different baby daddies. What are we doing? What are we doing?
We’re creating a circle that is going to be vicious in the end because if this child grows up with so many other children in the house with different daddies, what are you saying to the girl? It’s fine. It is not fine.
We want life that is better for our children than ourself. If you’re having a booty call, when you get up and you go to this guy’s house because he’s called, he’s summoned you.
And Okafor’s Law says you can do that and you do it. Every time you do it, you’re reinforcing the, the, what is it now? You’re reinforcing what he has said that if he’s been with you once, he can always be with you. How good could he possibly be that you have to put yourself through that?
I, I would just keep going in random because that’s the whole thing. There’s really no ifs, buts and ands about this. The baby, mama and baby daddy is a whole topic all on its own if I’m going to talk about it.
If you are or disagree with me, I will love to read your comments.
Bye for now.